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Bubbly Booty


One of the ideas here at Simple Brew Kits is to make cheap but tasty hooch without a lot of time and effort. For those inclined to the other extreme, here’s a recipe for making excellent champagne:

  1. Move to Champagne in France
  2. Learn French (lest the French treat you with disdain)
  3. Start a vineyard growing champagne grapes
  4. Learn how to make champagne
  5. Make your champagne
  6. Put it on a boat in stormy weather in the Baltic Sea
  7. Wreck the ship, preferably in about 50 meters of water
  8. Learn how to live to be about 200 years old
  9. Rediscover the shipwreck in 170 years
  10. Voila, you have some impressive aged champagne!

Or you can see if you can get in on an auction for some 170-year-old bottles of champagne that were discovered in 2010 in the Baltic Sea (cost: ~$50,000 a bottle – take that, Dom Perignon!). Scientists have been analyzing the champagne to see how it compares to modern champagne: sweeter (added some grape syrup post hoc, as some Simple Brew Kitters are prone to do), less alcohol (9%, due to less efficient fermentation), less bubbly (seeped out during its stay in the sea). The taste: smoky, spicy, leathery.

I’d love to give it a taste, but for now I’ll stick with the two-week Welch’s white grape juice hooch.



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